(I actually used this word in my GP essay and it doesn’t exist outside the virtual world GG.)
Had a really odd dream last night. I went to bed at 0200h.
I had trouble falling asleep, and since I’d spent the past 983568956 hours doing bio tutorial and typing notes, I found random bio terminology floating about in my head. Cell proliferation, tumour suppressor genes, genome etcetc. Then it started to get stronger and the words were colliding at full speed. There was this drilling noise, plus hammering of nails and just really really loud drilling. Then it felt like holes were being drilled into my head. There was pain, and the noise was so intense I clutched my head and screamed.
Then I found myself in some barn/warehouse like place with many high lofts, like some computer game where the lofts are of differing heights. I was crying in despair. My mother was there, and she told me “You can achieve anything, as long as you believe and try.” She handed me a pole and I took it. The pole started stretching and elongating. I took a deep breath and jumped, and the pole brought me soaring past all the high lofts (each of which had people, some friends, on them).
The next thing I knew, I was waking up under a starry night sky, with other friends talking about how I have been dreaming. There was something about soaring and reaching for the stars, like how I was soaring in the previous part of the dream. Then something about falling. I don’t remember this entire section of the dream :/
Suddenly I fell asleep/woke up (I can’t remember which) and I’m in another section of the dream, where the only part I can remember of this section is Mr Nah telling us some motivational stuff.
Then I woke up. For real. My handphone said 0213h.
I recorded what I could remember of my dream in my diary.
I’ve been really confused and I’ve been wondering what it was all about. When my head was being drilled, the noise was so real. the pain was intense, yet not intense. and I recall even in my dream I was thinking “Why is it painful but not painful? Am I dreaming?” and in another part of the dream where my mom told me to believe, I was thinking “Whoa what is that, introducing an idea into my subconscious mind? This feels like Inception. Am I supposed to wake up with new resolve, belief and optimism?” all this while I was still dreaming. It was as if my conscious and subconscious were two entirely different entities and my conscious was watching my subconscious and evaluating my dream.
Oh gosh, what is this? Maybe it’s time I went back to reading past chapter 1 of Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams. I’m really really distracted by this.
(This post will be cut as it is long and I know people don’t care about my life or history anyway. If you think you’re free and have time to learn why you should despise me for being an asshole, you can read on.)
I’m distressed, disturbed, a billion other synonyms. But I can’t quite understand why I feel this upset over something that doesn’t really concern me… directly.
zmg I became a fan of so many people over the past week.
1. Ana Sofia Gomez Porras – gymnast from Guatemala, apparently the first ever to be sent from that country. homg she’s so good and such an inspiration! like from a country unknown in gymnastics and she works so hard and full of determination and really does awesomely well I’m so super sad she didn’t get any medals but I really think she deserved some supermedal of bravery, accomplishment and inspiration. (L)
2. Yuya Kamoto – ah damn cute jap gymnast hahaha that smileeee~he screwed up indiv apparatus HAHA but still he got teh AA Gold which is probably the most impt of them all :P
3. Viktoria Komova – ZAI ZAI ZAI ZAI ZAI I think the next Nastia Liukin. sad she screwed up in beam and floor though D: ohwelllllllzz nehmind watch out for London 2010!
4. Diana Bulimar reminds me of a tiny Shawn Johnson. awesome energy ftw! :D
5. Carlotta Ferlito and Natsumi Sasada pretty good gymnasts (: feel sad for Sasada though D:
6. GENNADY KOROTKEVICH. MY NEW HERO HOMG SO ZAIIIIIII IOI silver medal when he’s 11 and subsequently all golds and two consecutive top scorer? wts beyond imba plz.
7. Alex Wong (see this) words cannot describe him. UTTERLY SPEECHLESS.
8. DANIEL WONG HAHA yes your name is here k srsly watching the IOI live scoreboard could get quite sian and it actually was pretty tense. even though you screwed up in round 1 still come back in round 2 and even for a while was joint first like zmgwtsbbq PLEASE ZAI! k continue to be darn awesome k and strong in your faith and confident! your never-say-die spirit &determination is so commendable PLUS the fact that you were actually willing to give me your medal because “it is the least important thing (you’ve) gotten from the trip”. YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND. :D (which is why you’re here on this list)
OH RIGHT CONGRATZ ON TEH BRONZE (will you please give it to me? :P) Now go pwn A levels, pwn everyone plus those PRCs too like how you did last year HAH. (Y)
I can’t believe this is happening.
I’d have thought such things wouldn’t happen in JC; i mean come on, we’re 17 already.
But I just had to witness something so dreadfully immature it reminded me of primary school antics. Or the last time I witnessed something like this was in Secondary One. A good four years ago.
I’m so appalled with your behaviour. All of you in that group. What’s with the constant discrimination? and actually taking it this far to make a joke out of it? It’s one thing to make such a joke on a very good friend but a completely different thing to do this to someone you know you are not close to and, I wouldn’t know but I would say, you despise her.
So what about that? Did you really have to sink so low and do something so childish and juvenile as that? I seriously can’t believe it. Are you that insecure about yourself and so desperate for attention that you have to put others down, degrade them by making jokes out of them and laughing about it, getting your group to laugh along with you?
It’s not a joke. When it’s not a your good friend and you didn’t intend to do that as a lighthearted prank on a good friend, it becomes malicious. All the more that you were so desperate not to let her see it or know about it .
Guilt. You are guilty. Malice. You’re full of malicious intent. I don’t care that you may not like her for whatever reasons you have.
Just stop being such a child with the mental and emotional aptitude of a kindergarten kid. It irks me, annoys me, sickens me, pisses me off.
It’s people like you who make me lose my faith in humanity.
Okay seriously. What the shit.
I’m sick of people always telling me “you’re not trying” or “you’re not trying hard enough”.
Just because you can put in a minuscule amount effort and reap results does not mean it works the same way for me.
Don’t fricking ask me why I have to study for a class test. I’m not a genius like you.
Stop fricking telling me that just because I get annoyed angry rant-y and everything I’m not freaking controlling myself. The heck, I’m already using so damn much self-control not to fricking scream and shout and throw glassware around.
Even when I try so damn fricking hard, so damn hard I tell you, I still fail. I put in so damn much effort and I can’t get anything done. NO, I’M NEVER, EVER, TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
I’LL NEVER BE TRYING HARD ENOUGH UNTIL I REAP RESULTS.
So why don’t you just shut the hell up and we get on with our sorry little lives.
http://almostinfamous.blogspot.com/2006/03/singapore-mmorpg.html (thanks MX for the link)
Pretty insightful, I find.
Recently I’ve been wondering, am I really all that stupid, or am I just not living up to my potential? But then again, what would that potential be?
Besides, like my parents have been telling me for the past 3141592653589 years; suppose you’re in med school. In say 20 years time, the A grade student is a doctor. the C grade student is also a doctor. They both eventually graduate and do what they set out to do, do they not?
But well it isn’t always so simple.
Long ago my parents would tell my sis she just needed to pass and they’d be happy. I’d cry out in despair, why does she get to only pass while I must get an A?! Why the injustice?!
And I’ve always been told “Because you’re different. You’re smarter, You’re supposed to get higher marks.”
After awhile my parents no longer demanded that I get As, never really settled for a “you can just pass” but more of “you know your limits, you should get the best you can get”. But they’d still show the disappointment when I’d fail tests (duh) or when I’d miss that A or get too low an A due to careless mistakes, as usual. Or that I did so damn badly in chem the whole year last year and my mom would be sad since she’s a chemistry teacher, but I know I did that badly because I never really cared to listen to her when she was telling me stuff.
Maybe its the sudden lack of external pushing that I started to rely on myself to push myself and expect so much higher of myself, who knows maybe even higher than what I can really do. But I don’t think I’m setting too high a standard for myself.
I think the worst thing is not living up to your own expectations. If knowing that you can actually do it, but you didn’t. Maybe like making the same mistake for the past 6+ years of your life, putting minus instead of a plus. Or writing so badly you see your own ’3′ as a ’5′. or random conceptual errors that you should have corrected before but while you recognised it, you never committed it to memory.
So many things which could have been avoided just continue to harass you, you just end up berating yourself why did I do that why why why! It was so simple how could I have gotten it wrong!
and how is it that I studied so hard but still failed? that there are so many people around who didn’t study as hard for blocks but still did around the same as me / better than me? It just makes me wonder where all the justice is. And it makes me feel even worse and even stupider because, hey, if I studied and I still did so badly, it must be that I’m stupid. I can’t blame it on being complacent or being slack and lazy. I can only blame it on the fact that I’m academically incapable, isn’t it?
I haven’t ranted here in a while, and I’m doing all I can to prevent myself from spewing obscenities all over.
What’s wrong with all of you? What the shit is with blatant dishonesty? You just had to source out the question paper and answers, just as you’ve been doing for most of the tests this year, haven’t you? And pass it around for the whole class to take a look. It took so much of my willpower not to rip the papers up when they reached my hands.
If someone passes it to you, that doesn’t mean you ha to look at it. So what if it’s just a class test? Are you all that insecure about not passing? and if you’re so insecure shouldn’t you very well be doing something about it, which doesn’t include cheating?
It makes all of those who actually bother to be serious and study for this a joke. It just makes you a damn fool. I don’t care if even certain people looked at it; that doesn’t make it right. I’m aghast, I’m disappointed, I’m furious that barely anyone but a few had the sense and the moral integrity to refuse to look at it.
So I failed pretty badly. So I got 1.5/8. But whatever it is, this may very well be the first time I’m not so upset over my score, because at least I know that I still have my integrity. I didn’t sink to your level.
Filthy humans. Someone just zap me into an ant so I don’t have to be part of this disgusting species.
Good Morning folks!
Rachel is back in Term 3 BETTER THAN EVER!
Better at being emotionally transparent; better at being a bitch, better at failing.
Please welcome her with steely cold eyes and remember to tell her “YOU LOSER, WRETCH” once a day. Or more, if you so wish. Insults are much welcome and you have my word that they will fulfill their purpose.
Best Regards,
Me.
